Nada is as Nada does......

Well having a Stroke means you really need to watch it. Anything that leads to fuzziness in the biannual is for certain a Stroke! It is not as if you had you chest ripped open and a new heart in place and had the chest stitched back up. You can deal with that. A Stroke, of the Linguistics, is funny to begin with. I mean I had no paralyses and nothing that would call me out. Except I could not speak. I spoke, for what it was worth, it was bubbles. "Bubbles" meant I could grasp at the problem and be aware that I could solve it and then the "bubbles" went away. As if nothing was there to begin with. In fact I really got into the Zen portion of it. It to nothing at all. Nada. I could sit and be aware for hours on end : Nada is as Nada does. I could go the motions at work and in the end, get up and do it again the next day. I went on for months like this, 6 months when the SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) hit me. Thank the Dog I am out of that. Now I am 21 months into this. And I feel, for what ever it is worth, fine now.

So this hit me, carotid artery, it really hit me in the last 6 or 7 months a feeling of pain. It would come on in a second and leave again. And in would not show up again for days or weeks on end and there it would be again - pain. This Monday (27 of Oct) it really hit me again, it was fierce. So Dr. H said come on in. So I go in for the scan on Friday. We shall see what we can see. It will likely be nothing. I did in fact give the good Dr. H a plan for me getting off of Prozac. Which really, really helped me get through the SSRI (depression) . Now I have to wean off it, which should take me about 3 months.

It is funny, Rose said last Oct when we went to the Lane Farm Pumpkin Patch I do not recall it as such. I recall going there. But my speech was not ready then, and as such, I did not recall it. I was Nada. This Oct I should recall something. We will see won't we.

Be Seeing You!

The Hike on Sunday...

The Hike LAST Sunday.....

It is bizarre!

It is funny the things you have to put up with when you have had a Stroke. I now I have said this many times. I am really feeling better than ever. It is others I have to deal with now which is bizarre. My family is with me, they tell me when I make since or not. And that guides me. It was horrible the last six months, awful, but now the depression is going away. Thank the Dog for that. I was relating this to a friend whom I have known since Kindergarten. And he had to tell me :

" Please, no more Stroke! Give me something else to deal with, your wife or family or the dog. Please! "

Which kind of wigged me out. I have been related my experience to him via emails, virtually every day, for lets see, 18 months. When I truly look at this, yes, 18 months of my Strokism would seem to get to me. And I have had the Stroke! Sorry my friend from Kindergarten!

It is weird buy I am getting through it. What else can I do, crawl under a stone? I don't think so.

Strockism

This was at the very height of my depression. Although I had Prozac to make it through it, at days all I wanted to do was go to sleep and sleep for days on end. Prozac made me get up and go to work each day. Got to hand it to the SSRI.

The Sales Opps Club

This was my old Sixth Grade. Can you tell the Sales Opps Teams?
When I got back to work the Sales Opps Teams had it posted on my wall.
After three months out. I did not know what it was until I had been here for a day.
20 months of this, now I think I am at the end of it, I think ( LOL)

Dan-o and Puccini

This was in the morning, our hike as it were, Ron took the pic. (this was a Sunday)

Savannah - Wearing a Cock Hat (Continental) I think this was grade 5

Back in the day....this was 5 years ago?

Stroke is as Stroke does.....

Well, well, well, I need to make myself clear to everyone. I guess. My stroke is my dream or the dreams are my stroke. Where do I begin? It is to me, to be on the money about things, and, well the stroke put it all out the window.

Lets see. I really am just a Scifihed, a existential hillbilly moralist to be sure. Or rather, a dumb ass, you can take you pick. Really up until the stroke I was gassing it on both ends.

Where was I "gassing it"? Keeping the wheels on the track I guess. You can say a lot of things about me. But honestly I am not a bad guy. Just looped up if you want to know the truth.

"Looped Up" > how I feel about God ( everyone makes a choice, I made mine years and years ago ) that is not to say you God Fearing People are bad, no far from it. I think every one has the chance to make their own way down the path we have in life. I should say Bless All Of You, but what is the point. I could very easily put on the God Sticker, and make a million dollars doing it, it would be wrong of me.

"Looped Up" > All kinds of music, every kind, OK, I am not that into rap, but Hip Hop that is another story, I mean you have to make a connection with me on this, from the Booker T and the MG's to Beck and everything in between. In fact, Kim and I had a band ages ago, we were Mr. Pleasant, that was before we had kids.

I feel with the stroke that I came back. Not haphazardly, not with a paralyses or any sort like that, it was just my brain. Ok it is sort of like you are in a coma, and you can feel everything being done to you but you can not speak it or make any reference too it. It was like that. But, instead of being in a coma, I was right here, doing what I always do, although towards the start it was really awful, the first 3 months were crazy.

I kind of think that with the strokism every one thinks I am alright. Which really, I am alright. Right as rain. There are things with the aphasia that I can not stand, but all I have to do is get better every day. I mean that is all I can do. The Stroke. The Aphasia. They are all one to me.

I can not help the Stroke. It happened to me, there was nothing I could do about it. But as is was, I have to feel it the Stroke was, well, the Stroke. It could have been worse, much worse. I could be dead. As it is I have another 40-50 years ahead of me.

Darwin

I do recall bringing Darwin to school in 1st Grade, and they made a big stink out of it.

So why did my Parents bring a book like this into the house? I mean the were God Fearing Folks from what I knew. It made total since to me, Darwin made total since to me. You could not have it both ways. God Fearing and Darwin, it just did not go together. I chose Darwin. We came from Apes as it were. It made The Planet Of The Apes so much more real to me.



Planet of the Apes (1968)

Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1969)


Escape from the Planet of the Apes (1971)


Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972)


Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973)


It was Battle for the Planet of the Apes which brought home time travel to me. Or rather, it was the final frontier, it lead all the way back to Planet of the Apes. Which was a real trip to me.


Another thing, it was before the 1st Grade I was chucked out of Sunday School for disbelieving how Christ rose up to the heaven. I only wanted an explanation. So while every one else just took it for granted, I was cast out of Sunday School. I mean, go figure!

Well unperturbed as it were.....

I saw Randy last Friday, he had to give me stuff to do, which is alright, during the course of action he asked me :

"What are you planning to do this weekend."

Well, sleep was it, oceans of sleep. I needed it to be sure. Lets see, I called up Chris Duffy to wish him - dear Dog - a fine 50th birthday, it was alright, we talked for about 40 minutes.

And then I went to sleep for and hour. Then I was going to see a movie but I over slept it by an hour. The kids were both out. Dylan at Ricky's and Savannah out for the 10 O'clock, and Rose had to go to Obama at Misty's ( it was a fund raiser) so I sat down and watch Son Of Rambo, it was really good actually. Then I shuffled of to bed.

On Sunday I called up, Pat and Helga as Pat was going into surgery. Just left a message for them. Then I wend to TJ for Grocery, then I slept a little bit.


Lets see, I just ( it is Monday) got the SDR reports off and took the time to look at The Squealing Pig from, I guess it was Clinton...."show enough"....

Feb 2nd 2007 to Oct 1st 2008

Well it has been 17 months. And just really, I am feeling fine for the first time in ages. The aphasia has gone away a bit, around 4:30 PM I start getting in for real. Which is terrific I used to always have it.

It is really something, folks seem to think I am over the strokism, and really, I am not over the strokism but people tend to forget it.

Now if I was dragging my foot around and had my arm swinging about, that would be fine! But I have no paralysis. Beleive me its good. But I am about 60-90 days away from being right as rain. So 20 months of this.

Everyday I get up and tell myself : "Just get through today, that is all I ask."

There are good days.

And bad days.

It beats being DEAD!!!!!!

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