Blood Test

My Blood Test came in.

Cholesterol 162 (200 is the desirable)

LDL Cholesterol 97 ( 100 is Optimal)

Blood Pressure 120/68 (Diovan...it is what Joan used for her blood pressure towards the end)

Toot Sweet!

Now I have to get my weight down to the 210 stage, I am 255 now, which has something to do with the slow down via the Prozac, which I should be off come January.

End the end, I will have been on the Strokism 23 months, come January.....I think that would be enough.....what can you do.......just laugh and be on with it......

My Aphasia is getting better, that is, I am having less trouble with it, this is good news.

I still can not read a book. Which I did prior to the Prozac. I get about 20 odd pages into it and just give up. Hopefully I will get into the books again without the Prozac.

It Feels Great!

So be it. It is really something that I feel this good, it is unbelievable. Halla-Dog! Of course it could all go away buy I have a feeling we shall keep the goodness, goodly, good-able, good gracious. It is remarkable to me how just a month ago I felt pretty good, was still in my strokism, today the stroke is mile behind me, and it feels great.

Oh yhea, I am an Atheists....

AMERICAN ATHEISTS has been the premier organization laboring for the civil liberties of Atheists, and the total, absolute separation of government and religion. It was born out of a court case begun in 1959 by the Murray family which challenged prayer recitation in the public schools. That case – Murray v. Curlett – was a landmark in American jurisprudence on behalf of our First Amendment rights. It began:


"Your petitioners are Atheists, and they define their lifestyle as follows. An Atheist loves himself and his fellow man instead of a god. An Atheist accepts that heaven is something for which we should work now – here on earth – for all men together to enjoy. An Atheist accepts that he can get no help through prayer, but that he must find in himself the inner conviction and strength to meet life, to grapple with it, to subdue it and to enjoy it. An Atheist accepts that only in a knowledge of himself and a knowledge of his fellow man can he find the understanding that will help lead to a life of fulfillment."

"He must find in himself the inner conviction and strength to meet life..."

Yes this is it. I totally have a feeling for those who have found god. It is real for them and they need it. To me, ever thing I have ever known is within my skin. I don't really know how else to put it. We are born alone, we die alone.

O won wow O

O won. It is if a weight has been lifted off of me. It is funny how O brings the party together. Which is insane. The "party together", which I guess is something. We shall see over 4 years or 8 years what O will bring us. It is enough we only have Bush in office for another 2 months. What can he bring in those 2 months, we have no way of knowing. The first 100 days of O will be something to see. It is odd for me to get the stroke behind me, while taking it with me....very odd indeed.

I recall it but do I remember it?

Every so often I think of something that I recall but do not remember. It has to do the Strokism. This morning it was Santa Barbara Dist. I ran a route there for eleven years. It was just at the start of the PC generation. We had an IBM then, got it from Nana and Papa Jack. As they were IBM-ers. It was a hoot. This was before there was a URL, you had to go every where with links. A picture took you about an hour to view. Anyway, this was, let’s see, 26 years ago. It was when cell phone we’re taking off. And beepers were the outrage. Good times! So, the Strokism, I recall a dream I had where SB Dist was in it. I went to them after the Stoke and confessed I needed a job right then. They gave it to me. So I was running a route again. It was really pretty weird. In fact I could do everything I should do and did not have to speak a word. I was dead tired by the time I got to the end of the day. Then I woke up.

Nada is as Nada does......

Well having a Stroke means you really need to watch it. Anything that leads to fuzziness in the biannual is for certain a Stroke! It is not as if you had you chest ripped open and a new heart in place and had the chest stitched back up. You can deal with that. A Stroke, of the Linguistics, is funny to begin with. I mean I had no paralyses and nothing that would call me out. Except I could not speak. I spoke, for what it was worth, it was bubbles. "Bubbles" meant I could grasp at the problem and be aware that I could solve it and then the "bubbles" went away. As if nothing was there to begin with. In fact I really got into the Zen portion of it. It to nothing at all. Nada. I could sit and be aware for hours on end : Nada is as Nada does. I could go the motions at work and in the end, get up and do it again the next day. I went on for months like this, 6 months when the SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) hit me. Thank the Dog I am out of that. Now I am 21 months into this. And I feel, for what ever it is worth, fine now.

So this hit me, carotid artery, it really hit me in the last 6 or 7 months a feeling of pain. It would come on in a second and leave again. And in would not show up again for days or weeks on end and there it would be again - pain. This Monday (27 of Oct) it really hit me again, it was fierce. So Dr. H said come on in. So I go in for the scan on Friday. We shall see what we can see. It will likely be nothing. I did in fact give the good Dr. H a plan for me getting off of Prozac. Which really, really helped me get through the SSRI (depression) . Now I have to wean off it, which should take me about 3 months.

It is funny, Rose said last Oct when we went to the Lane Farm Pumpkin Patch I do not recall it as such. I recall going there. But my speech was not ready then, and as such, I did not recall it. I was Nada. This Oct I should recall something. We will see won't we.

Be Seeing You!

It is bizarre!

It is funny the things you have to put up with when you have had a Stroke. I now I have said this many times. I am really feeling better than ever. It is others I have to deal with now which is bizarre. My family is with me, they tell me when I make since or not. And that guides me. It was horrible the last six months, awful, but now the depression is going away. Thank the Dog for that. I was relating this to a friend whom I have known since Kindergarten. And he had to tell me :

" Please, no more Stroke! Give me something else to deal with, your wife or family or the dog. Please! "

Which kind of wigged me out. I have been related my experience to him via emails, virtually every day, for lets see, 18 months. When I truly look at this, yes, 18 months of my Strokism would seem to get to me. And I have had the Stroke! Sorry my friend from Kindergarten!

It is weird buy I am getting through it. What else can I do, crawl under a stone? I don't think so.

Strockism

This was at the very height of my depression. Although I had Prozac to make it through it, at days all I wanted to do was go to sleep and sleep for days on end. Prozac made me get up and go to work each day. Got to hand it to the SSRI.

The Sales Opps Club

This was my old Sixth Grade. Can you tell the Sales Opps Teams?
When I got back to work the Sales Opps Teams had it posted on my wall.
After three months out. I did not know what it was until I had been here for a day.
20 months of this, now I think I am at the end of it, I think ( LOL)

Dan-o and Puccini

This was in the morning, our hike as it were, Ron took the pic. (this was a Sunday)

Stroke is as Stroke does.....

Well, well, well, I need to make myself clear to everyone. I guess. My stroke is my dream or the dreams are my stroke. Where do I begin? It is to me, to be on the money about things, and, well the stroke put it all out the window.

Lets see. I really am just a Scifihed, a existential hillbilly moralist to be sure. Or rather, a dumb ass, you can take you pick. Really up until the stroke I was gassing it on both ends.

Where was I "gassing it"? Keeping the wheels on the track I guess. You can say a lot of things about me. But honestly I am not a bad guy. Just looped up if you want to know the truth.

"Looped Up" > how I feel about God ( everyone makes a choice, I made mine years and years ago ) that is not to say you God Fearing People are bad, no far from it. I think every one has the chance to make their own way down the path we have in life. I should say Bless All Of You, but what is the point. I could very easily put on the God Sticker, and make a million dollars doing it, it would be wrong of me.

"Looped Up" > All kinds of music, every kind, OK, I am not that into rap, but Hip Hop that is another story, I mean you have to make a connection with me on this, from the Booker T and the MG's to Beck and everything in between. In fact, Kim and I had a band ages ago, we were Mr. Pleasant, that was before we had kids.

I feel with the stroke that I came back. Not haphazardly, not with a paralyses or any sort like that, it was just my brain. Ok it is sort of like you are in a coma, and you can feel everything being done to you but you can not speak it or make any reference too it. It was like that. But, instead of being in a coma, I was right here, doing what I always do, although towards the start it was really awful, the first 3 months were crazy.

I kind of think that with the strokism every one thinks I am alright. Which really, I am alright. Right as rain. There are things with the aphasia that I can not stand, but all I have to do is get better every day. I mean that is all I can do. The Stroke. The Aphasia. They are all one to me.

I can not help the Stroke. It happened to me, there was nothing I could do about it. But as is was, I have to feel it the Stroke was, well, the Stroke. It could have been worse, much worse. I could be dead. As it is I have another 40-50 years ahead of me.

Well unperturbed as it were.....

I saw Randy last Friday, he had to give me stuff to do, which is alright, during the course of action he asked me :

"What are you planning to do this weekend."

Well, sleep was it, oceans of sleep. I needed it to be sure. Lets see, I called up Chris Duffy to wish him - dear Dog - a fine 50th birthday, it was alright, we talked for about 40 minutes.

And then I went to sleep for and hour. Then I was going to see a movie but I over slept it by an hour. The kids were both out. Dylan at Ricky's and Savannah out for the 10 O'clock, and Rose had to go to Obama at Misty's ( it was a fund raiser) so I sat down and watch Son Of Rambo, it was really good actually. Then I shuffled of to bed.

On Sunday I called up, Pat and Helga as Pat was going into surgery. Just left a message for them. Then I wend to TJ for Grocery, then I slept a little bit.


Lets see, I just ( it is Monday) got the SDR reports off and took the time to look at The Squealing Pig from, I guess it was Clinton...."show enough"....

Ah, the sea....

Ah, when we go to the sea, everything is special. The ragmops, the terriarplanes, ompaloppa, gelly-in-the-glass, all to me true. We arrive via a ragmop. It is nicley and spicy. Of course you will not now what a "ragmop" is. It is from the future, I shall say, 439 years in the future. Let me explain the ragmop. Ours was blueishey, that and the sponge rubber on the inside of our the carpeen was yellowish. We took an asride there, got on at the mop and took the rag there, so you can see, ragmop! So the sea, the sea it was owlishness or course. The spectuals of the wild wind brough us there. So we fell out and onto the sand. The sand was grainy beneath or muzzels. We never, never took off the muzzels, what with the sand there. We lay akimbo and looked at the H2O. It was marvaless ! ! !

Ompaloopa came to see us, brought in on a fairy wind. It landed with a crestmast on the sand, the grainy sand.

"Why, what do you see Ompla."

(Ompla is short for ompaloopa)

"I see a great many things, all within the grainy sands of time, yes yes, the grainy sands!"

"What do you mean." Says I.

"And me too." Says Clair.

The ompla did a dance for a moment. Leaping over the us and rooting about. Then it said.

"They H2O and the grainy sands! And the grainy sands!"

So silly the ompaloopa.

So we lay about and them Clair said to me.

"Lets talk a walkabout, we can take the ompla."

"Very fine, very fine." Says I.

We took a strole then, up the sea to the northwest. There were many many things to see. The slide running down to the beach, and all the festoons about it. The Sea rumbling and saying:

"Arrr, I am a pirate, can you see me?"

The ompla took a strole beside us.

It was then we saw the terriarplanes. It rained on us then. The terriarplanes making a harsh exception. It was only for a moment or then the terriarplanes made a b-line for the shore and were gone.

"What says you Clair? Terriaplanes, terriaplanes, oh, terria!"

Clair wiped the rain from her.

"Bezellbump! Ani't that ecciting, to be true."

We made our way back to the ragmop and got us gelly-in-the-glass. It was sweet and sour, it was delectable, We barely finished it and gave the rest to the ompla. Who said:

"Glass in the gelly, glass in the gelly can I have more of it....please!"

To late for that ompla we had best be going.

Ah, the sea, everything was special.

HULU - Yikes!

Wow, Hulu.com! Who knew. It is unreal. Take that YouTube!

Today I feel better by far than yesterday. It is odd to me. Hilarious if you want to know the truth. I am coming to terms with my med's, which are not much, the Prozac it one of them that should go, now I am on seven months into it, and you know what? I feel better. The last six months I was depressed, but did not know it due to the Prozac, now I feel just fine and dandy. I understand how Nick (the tingle) gets with depression and then does not feel anything after a year or two, then he has to go over it again with a new drug. P is only meant to be taken for about a year, other than that we have a problem with the dosage which does go upward but leave to feeling listless. How Nick does this I can only guess.

The P leveled me out big time. The last three months were awful. The Strokism did it to me for real. It wiped out the selective serotonin, there was no where for me to go but d-o-w-n.

"Down I say, down to the ground I say. I say!"

(that is Puccini given you a dose of Prozacism)

El Stroke....

Ok, so I have been at the Strokism for 17 months. It is getting better, much better. The aphasia is getter better, it takes time. The problem I have is, everything seems boring to me. I used to be able to loose my self in a spread sheet for hours and hours. Now I just go with it and when I am done, I am done. There are times I feel awesome and times I feel, like I want to go to sleep. Everything I have read, this is natural for a Post Stoke. At times I just want the Post Stroke to go away to. And be me. That will never be. I just have to keep getting better. Weather it takes me monthts to do it, oh well.....

Let me take you on a journey. A journey I will call : El Stroke!

This was last June 2007

Dan at the time of Joans funerial. June or July? The death date was in April. The last photo I have before the CE

Confuddled

Ok, so my Bro Nick is worried over what?

Lehman Brothers employees?

Well who cares!

158 years in the bro business is enough. Good Bye LB! Nice knowing you.

We are coming up on a dog sled of public options. In essence, what we have is a democracy where "freedom" is real enough. But what is "free". Freedom is : substance, spirit, lifeblood, heart, principle, soul, core. Is that it? Or is it Freedom : exemption from external control, interference, regulation. Or is it Freedom : the power to exercise choice and make decisions without constraint from within or without; autonomy; self-determination (philosophy).

Your charter and your caty's freedom. --Shakespeare

Or in Easton 1897 Bible Dictionary :

The law of Moses pointed out the cases in which the servants of the Hebrews were to receive their freedom. Under the Roman law the "freeman" (ingenuus) was one born free; the "freedman" (libertinus) was a manumitted slave, and had not equal rights with the freeman.

sunday,last sunday

last sunday was the dylan at the bowl, it was interesting, many trips made for beer,

Labor Day

Well, since it was Labor Day we had Choux (Kims mother), John (Kims brother) and Megan and Ryan (the kids cousiens) all staying with us.  It was ok for me.  

Ron and I went out for a hike on Sunday. 

"I know. I can't say it"

"I know. I can't say it"

Do you have Aphasia (ah-fay-zhuh)?

Yhea, well 16 months ago I did not no what Aphasia was, Now I know, I know it for sure!

Now I know you know I had a stroke. At 46. What I did not know was that I would have Aphasia for months on end.

It is like waiting for the movie to start, you have gone thru your Popcorn and your Soda and you are still waiting, waiting for the movie to start, what you did not realize was it might be three Quarters till it is done, then you have have to wait for distribution. You are going to be waiting awhile.

Lets see Aphasia gives you this:

With aphasia people have difficulty communicating.

Well yes, your mind is muddlin some, it takes time to get thru this, I would say I am at about 90% good, 10% bad.

Aphasia can be a result of a stroke or head injury. Aphasia is DIFFERENT for everyone.

Oh great, "different for everyone", oh dog!

Some people have a lot of difficulty finding words. This is very common with aphasia.

This is getting better and better.

"I know. I just can't say it."

Well yeah, I know it but I can not say it. It is frustrating.

Some people have difficulty understanding words. "Pardon me?"

Yup, it is possible, you have to take the time to rephrase it.

Aphasia affects the whole family. Everyone learns new ways to communicate.

Yes, yes, I have a loving family, I could not make it without them.

It takes a lot of courage to live with aphasia.

Well yes it does, but, what else are you going to do? You have to get up every morning and make the best of it, even if it is the worst of it, you have to make it better, really it is all you can do.

Believe me, after 16 month of this I really want to scream. But it would not do any good. You just have to make Aphasia better each day. Some days it is good, some days it is bad. Everyday I look for something, I mean the Stroke is not over, not by a long shot, I look for something I have not scene before. Cherished it. Make me one with it. It is all I can do.