RADiOHeAD

RADiOHeAd was awesome. The lights were insain. We had a really good time. It was great seening them with Dylan. We had a blast.

Thursday........

H'yall~

Well it has been 16.5 months since the stroke. hmmmmm. I get the feeling you all back in SC don't want to tell me about your strokes. Ok, I will tell you about mine. It started on Feb 2, 2007. I was at work. Around about 9:30ish I notice something weird.My right arm went numb. I was as my desk. About to call Emel for something. And all heck broke loose. Randy got me to the hospital, thank Dog for Randy! He knew something was odd about me. He checked me in. I really don't know how long I was there. Around 11:00 AM my wife, Kim, came to see me.

"Hi Kim! The tell me I have a stroke. Who knew?"

That was all I could remember, the stroke had me in it grasp. By the time the I got down to the Cottage Hospital I was freaking out. Or rather I could not recall where I was, I came in and out of it. I spent five days there. It was hell. H E L L. Of course their is no place like "hell" or "heaven" for that matter. End the end, my lingo was fried. The left side of my brain was gone, my language was gone. Who knew? So I had nothing on my Carotid on my left side and 29% on my right side. I should have been dead. Being that I was only 46 years old gave me hope.

I mean Joan and Bill should have warned my about this. Maybe they did not know. But come on, I was simply to far down the ladder and well, they did not care. I have to say it, they did not care. You can wish what you want to, Joan and Bill were evil.

Anyway, I spent five days in the Hospital. There were some nurses that helped me and some that did not. I was poke and prodded. I was given blood thinners. Mucho blood thinners. I was on comedian for 6 months. Around March I had another stroke. The upped my level from 5MG to 12MG. Yhea, that was good! Comedian is a killer of Rats. Of course by this time I'd spent 10K on my speech. It really came quickly. I mean for my stroked out condition. Let see, as I had only been at work (Citrix) for 6 months. So, I had to start work again after 3 months went by. So I started it again. Around this time Joan called it quits. I came back to SC for here funeral. Once I got back, I needed to go in for a Carotid Endarterectomy which gave me a month off. Then I was back at Citrix again. So I went from 50% at work, to 70% come Sept, 90% come Nov, 100% come Dec 18th. This was cool for me then, getting better and better every day. And then the depression hit me. I did not want it, I did not know was depression was. It is awful. So then I got on Prozac, which believe me, was a miracle. So I have been on Prozac for 6th months, I mean I was high for a while, 3 or 4 months and then leveled off.

Ok, so then their is the Aphasia. Aphasia! Bad! So I know what you want but, I can't say it. It is frustrating to me. It is coming along, but it is a snails pace. It will likely be another 6 or 12 months before I am over it.

"I know. I can't say it"

"I know. I can't say it"

Do you have Aphasia (ah-fay-zhuh)?

Yhea, well 16 months ago I did not no what Aphasia was, Now I know, I know it for sure!

Now I know you know I had a stroke. At 46. What I did not know was that I would have Aphasia for months on end.

It is like waiting for the movie to start, you have gone thru your Popcorn and your Soda and you are still waiting, waiting for the movie to start, what you did not realize was it might be three Quarters till it is done, then you have have to wait for distribution. You are going to be waiting awhile.

Lets see Aphasia gives you this:

With aphasia people have difficulty communicating.

Well yes, your mind is muddlin some, it takes time to get thru this, I would say I am at about 90% good, 10% bad.

Aphasia can be a result of a stroke or head injury. Aphasia is DIFFERENT for everyone.

Oh great, "different for everyone", oh dog!

Some people have a lot of difficulty finding words. This is very common with aphasia.

This is getting better and better.

"I know. I just can't say it."

Well yeah, I know it but I can not say it. It is frustrating.

Some people have difficulty understanding words. "Pardon me?"

Yup, it is possible, you have to take the time to rephrase it.

Aphasia affects the whole family. Everyone learns new ways to communicate.

Yes, yes, I have a loving family, I could not make it without them.

It takes a lot of courage to live with aphasia.

Well yes it does, but, what else are you going to do? You have to get up every morning and make the best of it, even if it is the worst of it, you have to make it better, really it is all you can do.

Believe me, after 16 month of this I really want to scream. But it would not do any good. You just have to make Aphasia better each day. Some days it is good, some days it is bad. Everyday I look for something, I mean the Stroke is not over, not by a long shot, I look for something I have not scene before. Cherished it. Make me one with it. It is all I can do.

14th Birthday, well not really....

Ah to be 14 again, yikes!

Toastmasters : 12:00 PM

Ok, back before I got the stroke, I was looking at getting involved with Toastmasters. I had gotten fairly good at it at another job. But at Citrix it would really do me good to have it. I went for three or four of the meetings. And then I was hit by the stroke. Anyway, the stroke was a mess, really, a mess. I took three months off. Then I came back at 50%, then I had my Cartod Endaretectomy, then I was 70%, 90% and on Dec. 18th. I was 100%. Around Jan I took in Toastmasters again. Where I could use it before the stroke, this time I really needed it. Getting my thoughts in order, actually, getting my thoughts in order outside my body. I still thought the same way. Sure my lingo was fried. It was how to get it out into the open. How to get my thoughts out. Grated, I sleep a lot, A LOT, something my thoughts do not amount to anything in particular. So come August I had my first speaking role: Table Topics.
I have no idea how I did. Amber, Jill, Danielle, David gave there speeches. The were awesome. I will have to see the video to see how I did.

We have it done!

So this was about a month ago, we went down to SD to clear out the Storage. All of Bill and Joans stuff went away. After two years, we are done with it! Woot Woot!

Dan's Office

Can you see the man to my left.....

Dreaming

Dreams : I used to have dreams. Dreams where I went out of the store and found my Beer Truck gone, and I was on a differnt streets. Dreams where I used to fall asleeps thinking about a problem and wake up knowing the problem, inside and out. Dreams where I just fell face first into oblivon and found I could walk through things, or magicicly float above things. I have dreams today, but I never recall them when I get up. I am 16 months after my stroke.... Feb 2nd 2007. I feel restfull when I wake up. But there are no Dreams. I guess there are no Dreams. I am on Prozac, for 6 to 12 months. Maybe that is it. I go to sleep, and then I wake up. No Dreams. I once had Dreams before the Prozac started. And I guess I will have them again after the Prozac is done.

Dreams: Maybe this is a dream.

Dreams: I awake to fire breathing in, fire wanting to me take it, when I go to the fire it is ice cream, it sticks to you. Fire and H2O. H2O. Water. I can see it in my mind. From an Ocean of water to my own glass of water. I want to check out. But I can not, not yet, I have another 50 years, before I can check out. 50 years. Of this? I hope I start dreaming by then.

Dreams: I am running. Running along the shore line. It is feet, feet, feet below. I am at the top. It is getting dark. Darker still. Still darker. I can not see the shore line. Or any line. I am running. A door opens up. I step into the door. I pass through what has become water. On the inside, not the outside. There is a cold rummaging over head. And behind me. There is no door. I walk for a while. Picking up places. I look at it. The mud has turned to stone. There is no dreaming here. No Dreaming Here. Ereh Gnimaerd On.

Ok, that is enough or dreaming.

Here is Ron and me looking out at the water.

"I meant to tell you, Viva La Fiesta, Ronald, Queue Paso?"

In the end we made the parade. It wasn't the 89 odd participates. It was us doing what we do. Saying "Viva La Fiesta!" to anyone who could hear.

Here is me putting on a show for Ron.

Yawn

Ah, hmmmm, etc.....

It it funny bones getting over the stroke, I say "funny bones" because I am tired of saying " odd, interesting, weird " I have had enough of that for a while.

I think I will be as good as new, or rather, as good as new is, I can't seem to fight off the stroke, so I guess I just have to accept it and more on from there.

I mean last night, Kim, Dylan and Savannah were down at Magic Mountain. There were things I should have done, instead I Napped from 5 to 7, walked Puccini and fell asleep around 9.

Sleep Sleep Sleep - who knew?