Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Proto_Dork_Safe_For_Patrol


A right of passage for the young male at Case De Ora Elementary was being recruited for the Crossing Guard. There were a limited number of uniforms, a red sweater like thing and a cap, and the staffs sporting stop signs were getting beat up by the time our sixth grade came along. This was back in the day when girls could be excluded from things based on gender, and they were excluded from the Crossing Guard for sure. Their domain was the ball and sporting good check out at recess, and they took their revenge often enough, doleing out the choice kick balls and teather balls to their same sex sisters and sticking the boys with deflated broken down gear. I don’t recall having any interest in being a crossing guard but its greatness was thurst upon me early in the 6th grade school year. There was a morning shift and an afternoon shift on the guard. The afternoon shift was the most desirable as you did not have to get to school half an hour early to do it, being that I just lived accross the street I think I was recrutied for ease of service more than anything else. The drill was that you met the teacher in charge that week behind the Cafatorium where a short set of steps lead up to the back stage area that served double duty as the Cross Guard room. Mostly the teachers just unlocked the door and made a b line to the lounge to get some coffee, a danish and have a smoke. A couple of teachers liked to make a para military exercise of it and make us march single file out to the corner to our posts. The Viet Nam conflict was in full swing, but we did not talk about it much if at all in school, we just watched it on TV while we ate dinner. Once we made it up to the street the Duty Sgt. of the day would assign a corner to each of the four guards and take his post at the corner nearest the bus stop with his staff. The Sgt. at arms staff did not have a stop sign attached, it was for directing the Guards Men to either stand at ease or lean their signs out into the road to stop up coming traffic. The Sgt. at arms also held the whistle, passed from mouth to mouth each day after a wipe with a foul tasting disinfectant swab. As kids came to school they would wait at what ever corner to be allowed to cross under the protection of the guard. Most drivers were pretty good about paying attention at the school corner but there was one incident where an older gentlemen decided to ignore the guards stop sign and just went rolling right through the intersection. The Sgt. on duty took down the Lic Plate and ran to the office, the police were called, and the man was pulled over down the hill as he was leaving the Mayfair Grocery to return home. He was informed that for all intents and purposes the Crossing Gaurd was a sanctified arm of the law and he was bound to obey their stop signs just like any other. That was a pretty cool day. I got tired of the guard after a while, it became clear to me that it was more and more of a recruting ground for the ROTC, and I knew that the ROTC was just a stepping stone to the military and then to Nam. The war had being going on for as long as any of us kids could recall, for all we knew we would be drafted after High School. Part of me did not want anyone thinking I was cut out for the military so I gave up most of my shifts as soon as I could.

Prozac II

I have been looking at my blogs BEFORE the Prozac and AFTER the Prozac. It is really odd to me how the Prozac took me over. Very odd.

I needed El Prozac to get me over the hump. Now I don't need it. It will be hell on earth, or what ever passes for hell on earth, if Dr. H does not get me off of this soon.

I mean if I have to stay on it for another 2 or 3 months, I shall be cool with that, anything other that....Oh Dog!

My Life In The Bush Of Dorks : It Was My Weekend.......Monday, November 5, 2007 at 11:26am

Friday -

I went to the Blade Runner premier 20 years after it first came out. It took Ridley Scott 20 years to get it write. After the Warner Bros took it, 20 years ago and in some over dubbed and some sound track work it was OK then. It was not as he saw fit. Anyhow after 20 years he got it right. No over dubbed no sound track work it was awesome. It was real as in Philip K. Dick regarded Roy Batty ( Ruther Hauer) as "the perfect Batty --cold, Aryan, flawless."
It was to real and in perfect digital format, flawless, and to you could see the pours in their faces.

Saturday -

Wristcutters - A Love Story was at the Plaza De Ora. It was awesome. Everybody is there as suicides. And they live in this place, a run down Lancaster, where no body cares about anything.
It worked on so many levels.


Sunday -

We went for a walk, I got up at 5AM thinking it was 6AM (time change) and screwed around waiting for the Starbucks to open and then got a coffee at Jack In The Box. We went to Rattlesnakes and were up it and down it at 90 minuets instead of the 115 minutes. Got a nap in and then Susanne came over and I got some speech therapy.

My Life In The Bush Of Dorks : Chewbacca.........Friday, November 9, 2007 at 12:58pm

In the end there was Chewbacca.

I think that of all the Star Wars characters my gut instinct tell be to go with Chewbacca.

There is not a lot to go on. He is hairy. It does not speak English. And that is good.

There are times when he gets some mischievous look on his face, like when the Storm Trooper is about to get it.

My Life In The Bush Of Dorks : There was no hill.... Thursday, November 15, 2007 at 3:48pm

Well we meet at the Stop Light. Every thing done up in Reds, Greens and Yellows. It was dark out. We set off from there, hugging the side of the road. Dawson looked it me but I did not look back. Just keep walking. Every cell in his being was over it.
"Why do we have to go."
There was a stretch off the right that would be hell to get out. I wanted to push Dawson in it and keep on walking.
"We do what we have to, we go so we have to go."
"But why, why do we have to?"
I could see a light off in the distance. It gave me a place to focus.
"Why do we have to? Because."
Dawson looked like he was going to puke. He huddle himself up in his jacket. He waited to say:
"Why."
But he knew the answer.
"We just have to make it over the hill, then everything will be good."
There was no hill, nothing but a night road leading off into nothing.
"Were is the hill?"
"Just wait for it, wait for it…..

My Life In The Bush Of Dorks : Hound Dog.......Friday, November 16, 2007 at 12:16pm


It was Monophonic, the record player, long before stereos came into being. I was four years old. It was 1964. In 1956 Elvis Presley made a hit out of Hound Dog. It went like this:

At four I can't recall much but I do recall my Brother Steve in his Senior Year. I remember him coming to me.
"Danny, do you want to lessen to Elvis playing Hound Dog."
I told him I did.
Hound Dog would be something odd. I don’t now who Elvis was. But my brother was going to show me. He had a 45rpm, and he wiggled it from it sleeve. He placed it on the record player.
And hit the stylus, it went pop and then:

You aint nothin but a hound dog
Cryin all the time.
You aint nothin but a hound dog
Cryin all the time.
Well, you aint never caught a rabbit
And you aint no friend of mine.

When they said you was high classed,
Well, that was just a lie.
When they said you was high classed,
Well, that was just a lie.
You aint never caught a rabbit
And you aint no friend of mine.

We played it twice. We were going to try it a third time but Mom put an end to it. Hound Dog was Elvis playing Rock and Roll. It hit me to my bones. I was never the same after that. I never saw that 45rpm again. Steve new it, the Hound Dog new it, I new it, Elvis new it. I would be hooked.

My Life In The Bush Of Dorks : Too Joan.... Monday, November 19, 2007 at 10:26am

Alas to Joan
I am not alone
To Joan to Joan
"Why do you punish me?"
Forever I keep my Jacket
Forever I eat my Peas.
Forever I am number one.
"What did I ever do to deserve this?"
I made that abundantly obvious.
That wasn't my fault.
I paid for it.
I paid.
Alas to Joan.
I am not alone
To Joan to Joan.

It is easier for me, one I have the stroke, two I did only had her for 18 or 19 years, and after that it was 2 or 3 times a year after that, and I had no trouble telling her to fuck off. Essentially I have some doubts but they are MY doubts and I will deal with them. It is odd for me. I have nothing to say about them, and that make me nuts, so I go forth with it and I muster all I can. There is nothing.
I know there were times that made me sick to death of them.
And there were times, I could not feel anything.
It was awful and as it played out, it was bad news…..
I am grateful they got us each $82K, that is enough for me to make it trough this, and I am sorry I could not do more with it.
It was odd for me being raised my by parents, my grand parents as it were, I always though of then as grand parents and maybe keep them away from me, for a bit.

Bill and Joan : Rest In Peace.

My Life In The Bush Of Dorks : Wed thru Sat.....Monday, November 26, 2007 at 11:22am

Wednesday
We, Savannah and I, got up around 6am and after driving to the gas stations and the Starbucks we the road to San Francisco. It was awesome. We had a Hotel, Cathedral Hill, off Geary and Van Ness, it was nice. We had lunch at Jac's in the Hotel, Chicken Strips and Club House which with split down the middle. And then we hoofed it over to take a Cable Car, off California. Along the way I though of Brian Tingle who live there, and got a call to him via the cell phone to Rose who then fire him off a email and he called us back. We meet him at the 39 pier. Then we headed up the China Town. Wandered around there a bit and at about 5:30pm we got some dinner. The Pot Stickers was a nice looking restaurant. We got Orange Chicken, Broc, Veggie with Chow Mien, Veggie Egg rolls and Pot Stickers ( pork ). We headed out of there and hit the China Town again.
We made it over to someplace that would take it back to the Hotel. Said good bye to Brian and hit the bus. We were back around 7:30pm. We called Kim. She said I had quite a day. I had to go to sleep then.

Thursday
It was Thanksgiving. We got a call on Wednesday that Kim had a sister, Andrea who had a boyfriend, Dan, who lived only six blocks from our Hotel. We gave her a call and sent up meeting them around 6PM at Jac's. We got some room service. We had a Bagel, Cream Cheese, a Milk, Coffee for one and some French Toast and some Apple Smoke Bacon. Then we went down to the garage and took out the car out. We headed down to the Golden Gate Bridge. We roamed around there. Got some good pictures. And then we headed off too the Metro, a five story monolith where we got hot dogs and skittles and popcorn and a drink and watch August Rush, it was a tear jerker. Then we made it back to the Hotel to wait for Andrea and Dan. We meet them around 6:30PM. We had Turkey Dinners. After that we made it down to her apartment, got some
Chocolate ice cream on the way there. And made it there for an hour before Savannah said he wanted to go back to the hotel. So we caught a bus and were back and to bed.

Friday
We sleep in on Friday, or later. We ordered OJ, Coffee, a waffle that came with strawberries, and Eggs Benedict. Then we hit the bus down to Union Square. We got Savannah an Xmas present at the Old Navy, and a ear rings at the Macys. The ear rings were from the Thursday where she went into the pool with them bought but only came out with won. It took us three hours to make it from the Macy's (one hour) the Zoo. Then two hours to make it back from there. The Zoo was nice enough. We had Chicken Strips and a Chicken Sandwiches there. The Bus ride back from there was a mess. Then we made a trip to China Town again. We walked it. Got the Chinese Sword and some other stuff and then took the bus home. We got back to the Hotel and then drove to the Metro. We get into to This Christmas. Got out of that at 8:30pm and made it to the Hotel and then went to Mel's Dinner .
She got a Club Sandwich and I had a Meatloaf with Chicken Soup. We made it back home and I stayed awake till nearly 11:30pm.

Saturday
We had room service again, Milk, Coffee, a waffle ( that did not come with strawberries) and Eggs and a sausage. Got every thing loaded in the car and went off via the 101 to the 1 and were back home at 5:30pm.

Crying oh my cryring......Friday, December 28, 2007 at 1:37pm

It was a week ago when I cried my eyes out. It was after a bunch of bull that I had to let go. I felt better about it on Saturday. It was as if something had been lifted out of me leaving me none the worse for wear. It was as if I should buy a truce for the new year. That it would be good for me.

X

The Venture Theatre.

It was Dec 31st.

We had four tickets but we only used two of them.

X took the stage around 11pm and played till 12:30am.

It was interesting for me to get out.



Here is Rose (Kim) and a certain someone for you.

We took this as the band started playing.

It was good going home.

My Life In The Bush Of Dorks : July 14th YIKES!

Well it has certainly been a year, a year with the Stroke, I can not recall what I got last year, that memory is gone with the wind. I can recall parts of it, I remember Harry's for Dinner....

I am better this year, although I have to take time to recall stuff and I have not finished the book I am reading for 2 months, well maybe it is a month....

It is coming together, an "inch" at a time, but it is working.

I am thinking with I go back to Dr. H's I will get him to take me off the Prozac, that will be good.

7/15/60 good dog!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Prozac


I recall everything.

I recall nothing.

Which is it?

More and more I recall everything with moments of nothing.
I guess I should be grateful not to do this when I am 68. I am 48. I went under the Stroke at Feb 2nd 2007, I was 46. I mean good dog! At 68 I would be washed up, better give me a grave and sit me in it.
Ok, so I have plaque coursing through my veins. I suppose I got this from Bill, my father. I got the Blood Pressures from Joan, my mother. Neither of my siblings have this, not Nick at 62, not Steve at 60, not Dave at 55. Go figure! All of them, other that Steve, have got Lipitor from there Doc. I to have this and :
Lovastatin
Nasasin
Diovan
Aspirin
Prozac
Everything but the Prozac I needed for my Elevated BP and my Cholesterol.
The Prozac I got from the Stroke.

My lingo went south, it was fried.
I felt OK for around eight months, then I started down the long road of depression, I could not help it. I had the "selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) class" Which means, nothing would work for me. Unless I started on the Prozac.


Prozac in popular culture

Because of its wide appeal as a popular anti-depressant, Prozac has had numerous references to it in popular culture, including many books, movies, and songs. The autobiographical book Prozac Nation was authored in 1994 by Elizabeth Wurtzel; it was turned into a movie of the same name, Prozac Nation, in 2001, starring Christina Ricci. A 1993 book, Listening to Prozac, was a generally critical look at Prozac and its side effects. Another book, Talking Back to Prozac, also focuses on Prozac side effects.

Vanilla Ice has a song called "Prozac." After having the drug prescribed for her, Cheryl Wheeler wrote and recorded a song called, "Is It Peace, Or Is It Prozac?" The British band Killing Joke has a song called "Prozac People." Rap artist Jay-Z makes reference to Prozac in his song "Nigga What, Nigga Who."

Bowling For Soup refer to Prozac in the line "one Prozac a day" in the song "1985".

A famous French record label called "Pro-Zak Trax" was created in 1994, possibly earlier. Their music style is mostly deep house music.

Prozac helped me.

It got my Brain firing again.

So it was the stroke which brought on the Prozac. I was happy long before the stroke. And will be happy again after the Prozac is done.

Now it is the blasé I feel from time to time, that and the Akathisisa ("constant pacing, purposeless movements of the feet and legs, and marked anxiety,") and the sexual dysfunction ( I am libido less.) I can take all these things for the lingo. Let me tell you about that.

You can see the languages center of by Brain was fried. Now I recalled everything, I could not make since from it, but I recalled everything. If that is to be understood. I new Kim ( my wife ), Dylan (my son) and Savannah (my daughter), everything about them. But as it was I could witness each thing they did. And lingo-wise I could not put the picture together, I could see them , lets say reading from a book. After they were done with it. I could not recall a single thing. I new it - but I didn't know it. So after 18 months of this, 18 months! This is about 5% of my Adult Life. 18 months of this I can read : Wired, Rolling Stone, News Papers, Google News etc. It is getting better. Now the books, the books I use to read in an afternoon, the books just leave me, well, who cares! And the movies I use to watch, who cares! It is funny I can watch funny stuff, Knocked Out gives me a roll each time. I went to see Wanted with Kim, and was floored when she came out of it raving about it. Huh? Raving about it? It was for all the glamour and style that went in to Wanted, I was left with nothing, I saw it, experienced it, my did not "take in" any of it.

Church Of The Inspirational Rattlesnake : Aug 3, 2006






The routine is mostly the same, except when punctuated by travel, illness or sloth. Monday through Friday I rise from a few to 30 minutes before Starbucks at Five Points Plaza opens at 5 in the morning. Natural body functions ensue in a orderly fashion if I am lucky. By exactly 5 AM I am walking from my car to the coffee shop door. 345 out of 365 times I ask for a simple Dopieo ( two freshly pulled shots of expresso in a short cup) all other times I ask for a Triple Soy Latte in a short cup. One out of perhaps twelve times I get a blueberry scone as well. One third of the time I get a bottle of water or a small orange juice. By 5:16 to no later than 5:25
I am scrolling through the numbers on the cell, counting to fifteen as I look at the road and not the readout from the bottom of the list. Ron picks up within 2 to 4 rings for the most part.
If it is cold out he might answer with:
“Ice House.”
My response is mostly the same no matter what,
“White car approaching.”
This statement was modified from the original:
“White truck approaching”
only a short while ago when the truck ceased to function and an 8 year old four door sedan was purchased.


I park the white car across the street from Ron’s for the most part, except on Sundays. If the sky is clear I often take this time to observe the stars over head and engage in a few knees straight, knuckle dragging leg stretch’s. If the morning paper has been delivered early I will take it to the front door and push it through the mail slot. Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays Ron emerges from the house with one dog on a leash. He keeps a mental record of which of his five Jack Russell's is due for the treat of a pre dawn adventure. On Thursdays two dogs are selected and I take the leash of one as we head out on the hike. Some might call it a walk, but I equate a walk with a more easier paced effort. The weekday jaunts are 2.3 mile affairs that we hoof in about 39 to 42 minutes depending on how often the dogs might wish to stop an or how awake we are. One mile of the effort is steeply up hill and takes us past the local water processing plant and the Jesusita trail head. What ever you want to name it, it gets the blood going and the brain processing. Ron is a sales manager, he often give me a short replay of the previous days toil. Which sales person is doing well, who is tanking, how the numbers for the week are stacking up. We talk about work, what we cooked for dinner the previous evening, how are families are doing. By the time we are back at his house the sun is mostly up.
Sundays are unquestionably genuine hike days. We start an hour later and 90% of the time head over to Tunnel Road Train Head which affords us 5 or 6 various routes to cover. My same coffee ritual applies to Sunday. It is customary for us to head up hill for at least 75 minutes before pausing to take in the view, gulp down a bottle of water, and head back to the car.
Four or Five times a year we get ambitious and do a longer hike. Up to seven to eight miles instead of the average five. One of our favorites is what we call the “Rattle Creek Connector” Starting at Rattle Snake Canyon we head up to the” Connector” and climb up and along the ridge back to the right fork of the Tunnel Trail. We park a car at both ends of the trip and shuttle back to the start point.
There are dozens of other parishioners in the Church of the Inspirational Rattle Snake. We see the same faces, the same dogs breaking trail ahead of their people week end after week end.
Not many of us have the nerve for the early mass, but it is the best one if you ask me. The cool of morning is well with you till at least the turn around point. The trail cows on their mountain bikes are few at this hour. Most Sundays we return to the white car with a good amount of sweat dripping from our persons and a renewed bit of thankfulness for just being alive. As practicing atheists and card holding members of curmudgeons anonymous The Church of the Inspirational Rattle Snake puffs out our empty spiritual balloons with a trinity of Trail, Sky and Steady Incline.
We’ve been doing this routine for three of four years now, or some version of it. We field a fare number of new member inquiries but most are put off by the early start time. No one seems to understand that early hiker gets the best pew with a view

To Lurk Or Not To Lurk : from July 31, 2006
























Ok, I admit it, I am a lurker. Not by the classical definition of the word:




LURK
v 1: lie in wait, lie in ambush, behave in a sneaky and secretive manner [syn: skulk] 2: be about; "The high school students like to loiter in the Central Square"; "Who is this man that is hanging around the department?" [syn: loiter, lounge, footle, lollygag, loaf, lallygag, hang around, mess about, tarry, linger, mill about, mill around] 3: wait in hiding to attack [syn: ambush, scupper, bushwhack, waylay, ambuscade, lie in wait]
but by the post MySpace definition of one who looks at profiles without commenting.

I further admit that the profiles that I lurk are mostly the young people my children are friends with. I am pleased when I see a youngster who has set their profile to private. Not that those who choose to leave their profiles public are universally making a poor choice. Many or most of these public profiles are benign. Why they choose to leave what amounts to a recorded log of private conversations, images and personnel journal entry’s open for any random person to read struck me as decidedly odd until I started reading up on the adolescent mind set. The short explanation is as simple as the classic bumper sticker:
“Hire a teenager while they still know everything.”
The not so short explanation is that until age 17 or so teen’s brains are undergoing a radical rewiring that began at around 12. If one believes in a psychological view of the universe you can think of this rewiring period as the pre-adult shake down of the Ego and Id. This brain growth can engender any number of outward manifestations. The sulking, woe is me, down trodden, teen, the hyper, always on always going teen…the combinations are endless and they all go back to one core teen experience, i.e. learning to live within and cope with a world where they are not the center of all things. I was talking to one of my kids friends and they mentioned their MySpace page, I told them I’d seen it an I liked their photo on their profile. They could not understand how I could have seen their page. I explained to them that their page was not set to private and if I wanted to I could read their blog postings, surf through their friends list and read all their comments.
After a couple of minutes I was told:
“No offence or anything, but I really don’t want adults reading my page.”
I had to explain that the Internet is open to the public, 24/7, year round to anyone with access to computer, that the only way to pick and choose who looks at their page is to switch it to private. Which, for some reason, is perceived as being a real un-cool drag.
What I realized is that this generation of young people has never known a world without an Internet so, they have no frame of reference to understand the significance of its existence. For them it is no different than turning on the tap and getting hot water, or turning on the TV and getting 200 things to watch. This is what the creators of MySpace have tapped into, a “me” generation that makes those old fogies from the 1970’s look like rank amateurs.
The news is littered with accounts of kids being lurked in the classic definition of the term, “wait in hiding to attack”, by all sorts of predators. While this sort of lurker is by far the most dangerous and the most alarming to parents. Another type of lurking can be found if you look for a little while, namely, kids lurking kids. In many respects the friends list on any given kids MySpace is as or more telling than what group of kids they sit with at lunch. The same cliques, jocks, nerds, misfits, popular, et al, exist in the web world. Like a multi paged jig saw puzzle these pages often hold out of context pieces of a larger story or, in many cases, drama. I lurk random profiles within a 5 or 10-mile radius of my zip code too. In an age where one might only learn the name of a neighbor after living on the same street for a decade you can learn more about the folks on the other side of the fence or green belt than you might expect. I browse friend lists and click through profile after profile. I am routinely astonished by how closely the “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” game mirrors the interlinking “friends” of the MySpace user.
Earlier this year MySpace was acquired by for 580 million dollars ($550 million more than the next highest offer) by News Corp. News Corp says it will be working on how to market their news, media and commercial advertising offerings directly to each and every MySpace user. You can bet the early research groups will be lurking our kids pages heavily. Lurking their groups and forums. Pushing the videos, music and media that News Corp will profit from the most. How long will it be ‘till a friends :”Thanks for the coffee” comment triggers a search engine hit to the word “coffee” and sends a “ add friend” request with a printable coupon attached from McDonalds? Not much longer is my guess.
So for now I will keep on lurking Myspace like some sort of cyber version Boo Radley.

Friday, July 25, 2008

EL Strokism





Well here I am, 17 months after said Stroke, I feel almost useful again. I have about a 10% to 11% where I am not really here. Where am I? Who knows? A pleasant raptor takes me, maybe it is just Puccini taking me for a walk. I now what I have to do. And am making an effort to do it. But sometimes I just want to sit on the beach and be done with with it. Lessoning to my itunes, staring out at the waves. I have to feel this has something to do with my Prozac. Once I am off of it I think I shall be better. We shall see, if I go off the deep end again there will be Prozac for me again. Rose/Kim wants me to be well. Savannah and Dylan thinks I am well.
I started meditation. About a month into it. It is groovy. I sit in the morning, before everyone else is up. Sometimes it is just me going "Inhale and Exhale" a blissful wash takes me. Sometimes work comes up. And then I "Inhale and Exhale" and peace goes with me.
It is odd for me, I read the news papers, and Wired and Rolling Stone, the Google News, and for the most part things stick with me. With a book it is odd. I can read a book. But who cares? I read up till 1/4 of the book, and then it goes away. I need to read again. Again I have to think it is the Prozac. I can read. I want to read. I read before the Prozac. We shall see, we shall see....
It is interesting to me, how things have changed. I am better off now? What I was before the stroke and after the stroke are two different beings. One is me hot headed about work and wanting to make a differece. Now I just go to work, call it eight hours, and go home again. It is getting better, but it takes time. I mean when I thought about about this, I just go every week day, and make the best of it. It is all I can do.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

No time like the present....



Present day

Present hour

Present moment

Present second

Present Present